George Burns


  • Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
  • Age to me means nothing. I can’t get old; I’m working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you’re working, you stay young. When I’m in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
  • Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
  • Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
  • I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
  • I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
  • I was always taught to respect my elders and I’ve now reached the age when I don’t have anybody to respect.
  • I’d go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
  • I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
  • I’m going to stay in show business until I’m the last one left.
  • If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
  • If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
  • It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
  • Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
  • The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
  • This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
  • Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
  • (This is one of my favorite observations of all time…It comes to mind every time I hear someone comment about how something “should be” done — or make such comments myself)
  • You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
  • You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

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